On the Oscars (specifically Sky One’s highlights show)

The Oscars are the one big sporting event of the year that I get really excited about. Without any access to Sky Movies, this year I had to resort to watching the two-hour highlights show on Sky One, a hastily stitched-together abridged version of the night’s events.

Some observations:

  • All the frocks were really quite dull. Worst dress of the night has to go to Kirsten Dunst, but even that was a bit dull. I say bring back Cher and Bjork. 
  • Weren’t there a lot of lesbians?
  • Jack Nicholson is quite, quite terrifying without any hair. 
  • In a fantastic year for us brits, who do Sky One send as our emmisary on the red carpet? Someone with a bit of class, a bit of style? No. They sent Fearne Cotton. Claudia Winkelman and Cat Deeley should sue. 
  • This years’ interminable performance-art thing was just some people doing shadow-play. Surely they should have reserved this for a year when there were lots of films about rabbits and butterflys? 
  • A PowerPoint presentation won two Oscars. How weird is that? 
  • Sky One producerperson: “I know, rather than the Best Foreign Language Film or the Lifetime Achievement Award, what people will really want to see is an inexplicable musical number with Will Ferrell and Jack Black trying to persuade the world that they’re funny. Yeah, that’ll definitley be the best use of our limited running time.”
  • Eddie Murphy is an egomaniacal nobchops and was taking the whole thing way too seriously. 
  • There were too many nominees giving out awards. They get a chance to be on stage when it comes round to their category - give someone else a chnace to shine. It kind of implies that there are only ever twenty actors in existence at any one time. 
  • Babel didn’t deserve anything, and it din’t get anything. Good. 
  • For about half an hour the show turned into Dreamgirls. This was not a good thing. 
  • Jermeny Piven should have presented something, in character as Avi from Entourage
  • Seeing Martin Scorsese receiving his Oscar from The Beards was quite moving. 
  • Ellen wasn’t terrible as a host, but then again she wasn’t brilliant either. This kind of sums up the whole ceremony - medicrity was kind of a running theme throughout the night. 

In summary: give it back to the Beeb at once.