James Bond rumours

Who the bloody hell is going to play the next James Bond? This question has been bouncing around for ages now, since Brosnan and the franchise parted company after the hit and miss affair that was Die Another Day (in summary: worst song of the series and terrible sub-playstation CGI, but also had the balls to deviate from the Bond formula … for about ten minutes).

After months of typical "it'll be Robbie Williams! It'll be Justin Timberlake! It'll be a woman!" speculation, things are getting a bit more exciting. The production compnay, Eon, have said that once director Martin Campbell (who also shot Goldeneye and an episode of Bergerac) finishes on his current film, The Unnecessary Return of Zorro (or something like that), he'll "be commenting a lot on all sorts of things." Zorro is released in October, so we may be hearing something very soon.

Here's the latest front-runners:

Daniel Craig - For some reason I always think he's really short. Don't know why, as apparently he's a healthy 6'. He'd be good I reckon, but I'm not sure if he's got the playful humour that's needed (not Roger Moore campery, you understand, but also not stoney-faced Timothy Dalton seriousness).

Julian McMahon - Not british, so immediately a bad idea. I'll reserve any further judgment until after I've seen Fantastic 'look we messed up Thing!' Four.

Clive Owen - Wasn't sure if he could do the playful side of Bond, but after seeing his amazing performance in Closer I'm fairly sutre he can do anything. He's repeatedly distanced himself from the Bond rumours that have followed him around since he put on a tux for Croupier, but he may still be in the running.

Hugh Jackman - Again, not British. I'm not being racist here, but we have to retain a bit of national pride here. Also, he's already Wolverine, the lucky bastard - isn't that enough for him?

Colin 'Fecking' Farrell - No fecking way is fecking Colin fecking Farrell going to fecking play fecking James fecking Bond. I like him (Phonebooth was ace), but he just isn't fecking right for this fecking role.

Ewan McGregor - No no no. Ewan is a great actor (although his aw-shucks American accent that he keeps inflicting on us is nearly as bad as Rachel Weisz's), but he is not Bond. No no no. Besides, he's already Obi Wan Kenobi. It would be wrong for them to be played by the same person. For some reason.

Plus, Dark Horizons are reporting that they may go back to Brosnan after all. This isn't a completely ridiculous notion - a similar period of fannying around occurred during Roger Moore's stint as Bond, with all parties refusing to talk to one another. I think it would be a crap idea personally, but I guess we'll just have to wait and see. Watch this space.