Who would have known how bittersweet this would taste?

It's infuriating, it's been going forever, I care very little about what happens to the winner, I'm not entirely sure who one of the judges is (she's the girl from Love City Groove, right?), it's responsible for the angry cock-legged juvenile squawk that is Cher Lloyd … and yet, I'm still going to be tuning in to watch the new series of the X-Factor. I love it, okay?

Unfortunately this love comes at a price. A terrible, terrible price. Basically, I have to come to terms with the fact that, over the next 107 weeks, Adele's "Someone Like You" is going to be torn to shreds by a procession of callous auditionees. It's a bloody brilliant song, but alas it has zeitgeisty-warbling-showcase written all over it, and so it must be thrown to the dogs for the sake of prime-time entertainment. It doesn't stand a chance, poor thing. And this is a song that has already survived the scrutiny of Aidan Moffat. It's time has come.

So farewell, "Someone Like You". Farewell.

Image pinched from The Gentlewoman No. 3, the best magazine cover of the year, by a long shot.