An open letter to Apple regarding the flagrant misuse of hyperbole

tomorrow.jpg

Dear Apple,

I have a small bone to pick. Please understand that this is coming from someone who usually impressed with your marketing (I’m even on public record as being an official sucker for Apple products). The thing is, that whole “tomorrow is just another day” thing was just a bit embarrassing, wasn’t it?

First of all, you made out like you were going to be making a long-overdue improvement to your flagship application, the one that has been suffering from feature-bloat for a couple of years now, and what do we get? A few albums that have been available in the shops for several decades.

The Beatles appearing on iTunes doesn’t matter to us. It matters to you. If we so desperately wanted to own any of their albums, there are a multitude of ways we could have bought them and quite simply ripped them onto iTunes ourselves. Aside from the Apple Inc./Apples Corps Ltd. shareholders, the announcement is only of real interest to complete shut-ins incapable of getting to the shops and who somehow have access to the iTunes store but not Amazon.

Also, that teaser page. Now, I’m no professor of the English language – my blog is littered with all sorts of typos and grammatical gremlins – but then again, I’m not writing something to go on the homepage of a multi-billion dollar corporation, am I?It’s as simple as this: what you’ve got yourself there is one sentence, not two. It just doesn’t look right. It especially doesn’t look right when it’s still on your homepage ten minutes before the Big Announcement. Could not have changed the “tomorrow” to “today”? Has there been an accident at the Time Machine factory? Or is it just some weird reference to Tomorrow Never Knows?

In summary: today you’ve successfully messed up the English language, the space-time continuum, and the very notion of excitement. Well done. Don’t worry though, we probably will forget it.

That is all.

D. A. Gray Esq.